Expanding perspectives is one of the easiest, fastest ways to improve communication, relationships, and results. Recognizing that our understanding of situations, opportunities, or challenges may be limited by a myopic lens, shaped by our experiences and environment -- is priceless -- because often what should be civil conversations devolve into reactionary dialogues, where neither party truly listens to the other. Yet, it's simple to expand your viewpoint.
In my previous blog post, I explored the concept of the 40,000-foot view—and the need to shift from our narrow default perspective. We tend to default to this narrow view, focusing only on what we know, or what’s in front of us, sometimes overlooking the bigger picture.
In essence, it's about recognizing that our understanding of situations, opportunities, or challenges may be clouded by a myopic lens, shaped by our experiences and environment.
At the risk of overusing metaphors, what’s good for the goose doesn’t always seem to be good for the gander! This idea has plagued me for decades, deepening the perplexity I observe in both my own and others' reactions to the people with whom they have relationships.
Often, what should be civil conversations devolve into reactionary dialogues, where neither party truly listens to the other. Instead, each person justifies and defends their own position, without considering the perspective of the other.
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Additionally, there seems to be an innate propensity in all of us to assume that others operate within the same paradigms we do. One of my favorite books, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey addresses the fact that each of us has our own personal philosophy and ‘center’. We make life choices and decisions based upon these intrinsic values. This doesn’t make one person’s values lesser or greater than another’s—they’re simply different.
Yet, how often do we act as if everyone should think, feel, prioritize, value, and behave the way we do? This is where get tripped up!
It makes about as much sense to be mad at a person for being who they are...as it makes sense to be mad at a chair for not being a table.
Just this week, I had a conversation with a family member who sought my advice and perspective on a discussion they had with another family member. They were seeking clarity about a thorny family issue. While they were not directly involved in the situation, they had questions about the events that led up to the issue.
It was fascinating to hear their viewpoint and perceptions of those involved, process it through the details I’m familiar with, and then add depth by considering the backstory and personalities of everyone involved. What I saw happening was this:
The tension that arose could have been avoided if everyone involved had taken a step back, taken responsibility for their own thoughts, words, and reactions, and made an effort to see things from the other person's standpoint.
By embracing the 40,000-foot view, we can start seeing beyond our own limited perspectives and create more harmonious interactions. The next time tension arises, ask yourself: Do I need to pause? What questions should I ask? How can I reflect and shift my viewpoint to better understand the other person?
I recently developed a worksheet entitled P.A.R – Pause, Ask, Reflect (access and download it for free in our Moxie community!) I like to think of it as a quick and easy way to adopt the 40,000-foot view:
Pause
- gather your thoughts
- listen
- respond vs. react
Ask
- open ended questions
- clarifying questions
- how they are feeling
Reflect
- confirm what you’ve heard
- consider different perspectives
- think about what went well and what could be improved in the future.
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The ability to step back and view situations from a broader perspective is key to fostering better communication and understanding in our relationships. We can take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions – we can’t take responsibility for anyone else’s thoughts or actions.
Our aim is to understand others and build more meaningful connections. It's not always easy, but it’s a practice worth striving for.
As we navigate our personal and professional relationships, it’s essential to remember that everyone has their own set of values, experiences, and perceptions. I have adopted a saying that has helped me time and time again – "It makes about as much sense to be mad at a person for being who they are as it makes sense to be mad at a chair for not being a table."
By embracing the 40,000-foot view, we can start seeing beyond our own limited perspectives and create more harmonious interactions. The next time tension arises, ask yourself: Do I need to pause? What questions should I ask? How can I reflect and shift my viewpoint to better understand the other person? It’s a simple but powerful tool that can make all the difference. Go for P.A.R.!