How Much Caring Should You Show in Business?

On a quest to build a profile of a successful woman business owner, I interviewed many amazing women about which skills and behaviors they needed to improve, for greater business success.   I was totally blown away by some of the answers, and what I learned awakened something in me...

Learn more about the project

One of the many things I learned:

Many of the most successful women owners were very open about how elements of caring and nurturing enhanced their business results.

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Nurturing?  Boy, I was NOT expecting that! 

I had to know more.  As the interviews grew to over 100 it was clear that I hadn't imagined it.  This was real!

Like you, I had heard ions ago about how some businesses who care for their employees and make decisions based on factors other than purely profit, DO make more money overall.  Back when we used Gallup's Q12 in a corporate job, I remember being really surprised by the question "Do you have a best friend at work?"  but I accepted there was likely a reason for it.  More recently, I got super-excited about the B Corporation being a real option and took it as a sign that "YAY- Times They Are A' Changin'!"  BUT it still does not feel like most businesses would change their ways for the better, despite any published proof of positive impact to the bottom line.  

Despite the data supporting that caring leads to better business, the continued norm for most businesses is far too short-sighted and geared for quick profits to worry about employee or customer well-being.  Mind you, I could be a tad jaded after working my first 20 years in companies that, for the most part only paid lip-service to the concept of truly caring for employees.  

So yep, I was surprised when the conversations with these women, many of whom are highly successful by ANYONE'S standards, often included comments that told a story of running their day-to-day business from a foundation of true caring.

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As much as we want to protect ourselves with a hard-edged approach and some kind of modern suit of armor, it takes a lot more courage to show our ooey-gooey inner core to others.  Because we ALL are afraid of not being loved when we show our true self...  "What if they don't love me?" we ask in anguish, even if at a mostly subconscious level.

But consider, for a moment, who you most revere and want to be like.  Who are they?   If you're like me, your most cherished role models have real moxie, real courage to be human in front of others, to go against the grain and stand up for what's right, to have the integrity to be compassionate when others are poking fun, to stop gossip in its tracks when it veers over into meanness, to say "I care" in myriad ways, and to make business decisions with love in their heart.  

This is not the same as naivete or lack of business sense.  This is mingling a caring strength with business savvy.

Where did this general notion come from:  that being loving and caring in business is showing weakness?  That being nurturing is somehow less revenue-driven?

I now know this to be total bullshit.   However, it was for reasons under this umbrella that I didn't wear pink until I was 35 years old.  Hearts, flowers, and lace?  Fahgettaboudit.  Maybe your upbringing was a little different, but I got the message loud and clear in the 70's that being feminine was being weaker.   I could dive into that topic a lot more, but suffice it to say here that I avoided looking too girly so I wouldn't be underestimated.  In elementary school, I hated my parents for requiring me to wear skirts and dresses much of the time...so I would occasionally sneak my favorite pair of ripped jeans in my bag, then change in secret in the girls' bathroom.  (Until that one day I got caught by my dad when I forgot to change back after class- oops!)  Then in High School, I had to backpedal some to get any dates.  I learned that being smart was too intimidating for the boys, so I dumbed myself down, and started wearing skirts again.  I look back now and shake my head...

THANK GOD things are different for girls today in many ways!  I know there are still undercurrents of the old conditioning going strong in our modern society, but I am so happy that women are seen more often today (by both genders) as being strong AND feminine.

And I'm thrilled that my male clients are also showing more caring in business as an expected approach.  I think this is a very tricky time for men: it takes a lot more guts to show vulnerability as a man in business and be expected to do so in some contexts, while being expected to take charge with machismo and a ruthless competitive spirit in other scenarios.  I'm rootin' for you guys too!  

And now women are generally expected NOT to be direct, competitive, or show "masculine" traits if they want to be fully successful in the greater sense.   All those brave pioneering women who paved the way for us to be accepted as strong performers (who happen to be women) had to be extra tough to break down so many barriers. But the downside is that now we are either "normal" and feminine or we're written off as the B word in a New York minute.  And you know I don't mean "boss."

It's a weird time for us all...  Gone are the days when sales are mere transactions.  Relationships and connection are now at the heart of any successful sales process.  Let's all have more courage to be authentically caring!

I'm grateful to the many women whose comments validated a belief  --so I could finally let my guard down, let my hair down, and embrace the real heart of my business!  

These interviews gave me the courage to let my freak flag fly and tell the world that my business decisions are driven from a place of love.  I am now overt about the fact that operating with this attitude is a far better way to work, and to live!  

For most of my adult life, I had signed personal cards or hand-written letters with a heart and my first name.  As I was preparing to share the initial findings from the interviews, I decided to start using the "heart Heather" in business too!  And I made what's now my signature peachy color to signify the softer side of my more personal posts and other content.  Today, you'll see it all over my stuff, like this version below.

To me this symbolizes the marrying of my drive to be of service in business and provide true value, and to be strong enough to be vulnerable, sharing my core humanity and caring.

Now that we've confirmed this is a better way to drive results, how will we make it stick?

The best thing we can do to make a positive difference in every area of business (and life!) is to model the behaviors we want to see. That includes continuing to work on being more compassionate and caring in general.  Asking "what's in it for THEM?" from a foundation of love for people, and answering questions like these will help us all be more successful:

• What do our customers or clients really want?  
• What do our employees need in order to perform at their best?  
• How will these current business decisions affect us all long-term?  
• How loyal are the members of our business tribe?  

Here's to your success!

PS- Ready to find out what is holding you back from your best self?  Schedule a 20-minute block-busting call with me