“Not Good Enough” Sucks!

I have declared war on my feelings of never being good enough. I spent the first 40-odd years of my life feeling like everything I did or said was usually not good enough, that I wasn’t good enough, and generally feeling like every A+ effort was still a fail in some big or little way.  Starting my business helped at first, because I am the boss after all, so I know what expectations I have of myself. Then after realizing nothing is ever good enough for ME…I realized I needed to make some changes.  Acknowledging I had some serious perfectionist control freak stuff going on was hard at first because I like some aspects of having discerning taste and high expectations–but it was also eventually quite liberating (I mean, who has time to refold all the towels in the linen closet because they weren’t folded “right?”). I started calling myself a Recovering Perfectionist a couple of years ago and was more aware & could laugh about it. Then I really got to work over this past year, which at times was pretty emotional but is it ABSOLUTELY worth it.  I choose to evolve and I am SO MUCH happier!

Can you relate to the constant feelings of not being good enough?

It probably comes from how we grew up, the expectations different family members or other people put on us, but does it really matter?  Holding a grudge isn’t going to help.  Move on.

Finding a balance between how much is good enough and just learning to let things go is really hard for some of us.  I am still challenged by this every day, but thankfully in smaller and smaller ways as I have questioned it (“Wait, what IS good enough?”) and reframed in so many situations (“I am now OK with this.”).

One thing I realize now is that the constant judging of myself took an incredible amount of energy away from more useful thoughts and other tasks.  It certainly added to feeling exhausted at the end of a day.

How much are you judging yourself throughout the day?  

Think how this affects those around you…your kids, your team, your friends, your spouse.  They feel inadequate when you make yourself feel inadequate.  Ouch. Yep. 

As a business owner, how much might you be crippling your team’s efforts with unrealistic expectations or a vibe of perfectionism? I’m NOT suggesting low expectations by the way, but I am suggesting taking a more logical approach than the default 100% for everything as the only way—it is not humanly sustainable.

If you’re partly like me, here’s the thing: You cannot leave your most powerful, positive legacy until you resolve to make some changes. 

Here are some steps to take:

• Use that brilliant, beautiful brain and competitive energy to achieve your HAPPINESS and PEACE OF MIND.  Add in activities or hobbies that help you cultivate these states of mind, and nurture relationships that support this growth.
• Use Pareto’s 80/20 to remind yourself that 80% is often actually good enough, and giving in to the urges to go for 100% is very often a WASTE of time and effort.
• Don’t turn off your high expectations, but replace high expectations in activities that don’t support your greater vision with strategic expectations to suit what you are intentionally creating.  Take a look at the bigger areas of life and business that you want to expand into and LET GO of some of the energy you’ve been expending where it doesn’t really make a positive difference and pour it into those other areas (silly example- me using the 10 minutes of towel refolding for meditation instead-aaaaah.)

Yes, it’s MUCH easier said than done, but it is possible.  What is it that you really want?  Keep that fresh in your mind as you practice letting little things go.  The more you experiment with letting go, having fun, and shifting perspective to what really matters, the more positive feedback you get from others, the easier it gets, and the happier you are…

Try it, you’ll like it!

xoxo, Heather