I went to Mexico and it was not what I expected.  I thought it would be an easy-flowing, relaxing, renewing retreat filled with gentle yoga, meditation, a bit of hiking and swimming.  And me giving a short casual workshop on living intentionally and building your legacy. It wasn’t anything like that.  Well, most of it wasn’t.

It was a good “Learn to Let Go” trip.   It was precisely what I needed.  Despite a grueling travel schedule, I felt calm and let go of an old need to control or be in the know.  Plus around every corner was a supreme test of patience: I really feel I passed with flying colors (where even a year ago I would have been frustrated and tense, this time I was actually just going with the flow!).

Barreling through darkness in the Mexican jungle with the smell of smoke coming in the windows of a large van full of strangers, I was alone in the very back with the luggage thinking,

“Oh Heather, how do you get yourself into these situations?“

Ironically, I was freezing my ass off, having dressed for hot, humid tropics after a very long day of travelling and waiting.  I had stuck my extra layers back in my suitcase which was just out of reach.  I was attempting to get some sleep. I had been up since 5 A.M. for an early flight and then after arriving in Cancun, I ended up waiting for my new travelling companions an extra 7 hours.  After a late dinner there were more delays since our retreat organizer/leader couldn’t get a call through to the hotel to confirm our later-than-anticipated check-in.  (Oh well, it’s only a couple hours’ drive out in the middle of nowhere; let’s go for it.)

It was nearing midnight when we pulled onto a very dark, very dubious, very rutted dirt road lined with thick jungle.  Did I mention it was dark?  It was a new moon and we had only our headlights.  None of us had been here before.  Google Maps said 2 kilometers. Hmmm… this is jaguar country.  I willed us to find the hotel and not break down.

Why did I say “yes” to this trip again?  About that.  I can’t explain it to you if you’ve never experienced a situation where you just trusted…  But, well—the signs were unmistakable.  As soon as I was invited to go, I felt sort of, uh-hem, spiritually ‘shoved’ into it.  My logical mind was grasping for all the usual thoughts, and –although I am not a religious person and hadn’t felt spiritually connected for decades (up until a few months earlier)– somehow I just knew I was meant to be here, now, for whatever was meant to unfold.  I felt oddly peaceful about all this.

After what felt more like 5 slow miles on a bumpy, rocky, dark dirt road, a large gate appeared and a tiny elderly man of likely Mayan decent welcomed us.  He’d been waiting in the dark for a late group of guests.  After a quick confirmation, he closed up his security stand and shut the gates, mounted an ancient bicycle then gestured for us to follow in the van.  The path seemed to go forever, further into the jungle.  Fortunately there were a few lights here and there alongside the “hotel road” and we followed slowly.  Unbelievably, at one point he dismounted the bicycle and took up another one, in the style of a luggage carrier!  On we went again, following over rolling, gently curving hills at a snail’s pace.  We discussed how we should have offered him a ride instead.

And then more lights… A clearing.

A beautifully lit jungle hotel paradise materialized.  At last, we had arrived!

In a dark, shadowy parking area, we finally were able to stretch our legs and grab our bags.  Rapid-fire Spanish ensued between our new guide and a few members of our party. Then this in English:  “Heather, do you want the room off by itself in the jungle, or do you want to be next to us in the main structure?”  Gulp.  Fear kicked in and I was debating how to not look ridiculously cowardly when someone suggested “the two lovebirds should take the secluded room.”  Realizing this referred to the one married couple in our group, I said “Good idea”.  Whew!  After a few minutes, I was safely settled in my room.  It was quaint, simple, and beautiful with HUGE sliding doors looking out into the dark jungle.  I kept these closed and locked after taking a quick peek outside.  I didn’t want to risk what might fly or walk in…  

I slept fairly well and in the meantime morning dawned.  When I looked outside and the sun was shining on this gorgeous place, I thought “Wow, it is SO worth that crazy drive last night.”

After breakfast and before leaving to see the ruins, we had time to explore the resort.  This place is AWESOME.  I definitely want to come back and…Just…Be.  I wandered around the paths and spotted a bench off by itself perfect for some quiet reflection.  I dodged some feisty geese and was able to get a little meditation in.  (Interestingly, the geese calmed down and although they were very close to me, left me alone.) 

Back in the room, preparing to pack up, I vowed I would come back (and bring some of you with me!).  I even recorded a short video on how grateful I felt to be here (check my YouTube channel).

Oh- ask me sometime about the two gals who went out in the jungle in the middle of the night to fetch something from the van, heard some mysterious large-sounding animal growling (!), and high-tailed it back to the room…  We learned what it was later the next day.

We also learned that the van had the “check engine light” on the whole night’s drive!! Wisely, our guide had decided it would be best if we didn’t know until morning…

We took a little time to explore the Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza.  Like when at other impressive ancient sites, I took a few moments to imagine the thousands of people who built this incredible city and who lived in the area, whose feet walked this same soil, whose skin was warmed by this same sun, who lived and dreamed in a different time.  I’ve always felt drawn to ancient architecture and insights into past people’s daily lives.  

After a delicious late lunch (the restaurant at Zona Arqueologica Chichen Itza actually handed each of us our own iPad for the menu! Yeah- here of all places), we piled into the van again to pick up some more travellers from the Cancun aeropuerto… 

We three sat on a long bench on the beach positioned close to the water.  The waves crashing were almost deafening, yet our series of three OHMs cut through the surf in powerful harmony.  It was about 1 am.  

Another midnight check-in and we’d missed our intended evening yoga and meditation.   A few of us were craving some “sit” time so we checked in, dropped our bags in the room and trekked across the sand looking for a good spot for our agreed-upon 10 minutes of meditation.  

It was magical.

Oh, the stars in Tulum at night.  Words do the sight no justice.  SOOO many bright, blinking stars in such dense magesty that I seriously couldn’t find the big dipper (which I can always find at home!).

Stumbling through the dark again back to our place, we realized there were some issues with our room, but it was too late at this point to change.  (We three were already in a different location than planned–a neighboring eco-hotel for hippies (“Los Hippies!”) just a few steps down the beach from our travelling companions, who definitely got the better accommodations).  For a few minutes we considered camping on the beach instead but were too tired to make the effort.  I was asleep the moment after my bug net was secured and my head hit the pillow. 

The morning again displayed the incredible beauty of our surroundings, and I found myself supremely grateful for this continued adventure and all the experiences!

Our time in Tulum was somehow both relaxing/renewing -and- chock full of activity.  We took our time at breakfast and lingered over cafe con leche, then a couple of us went to explore a cenote and got to snorkel around the cave (it felt so good to go swimming!).  A snack of seafood, veggies, and some white wine prepared us for massage on the beach which included a “sage-like” energy cleansing with more of the smokey substance I had smelled earlier. (Tip: I wouldn’t recommend a one-piece swimsuit for a windy public beach massage with no private changing area. There were some awkward moments, but I survived.)

Finally, time for some yoga on the beach as a group.  Everyone was still in their swimwear and Eva had set up a circle of towels on a mostly flat area of sand.  I sat for a few minutes, appreciating the ocean breeze and rustling of the coconut palms overhead waiting for the others to gather on their “mats.”  We started a gentle flow and I noticed Enrique was taking some video and photo shots.  After a few minutes I realized I was the only one still in my swimsuit.  (Ugh, really?!  Thanks a lot guys. Let’s keep the downward dog photos from behind out of this please!! haha.  Well, if there were some nudges from the Universe before about healing my body image issues and this trip being part of that journey, this was a neon sign of obviousness.  Gee, God–thanks for the big push forward.  Chuckle.  Oh well!)  Fortunately, I still enjoyed the yoga sequence; it was nice to stretch and relax travel-tight areas in nature as the sun was just setting.

We had dinner at a delicious restaurant in Tulum.  It was very busy this Saturday night, but somehow Enrique managed to squeeze our large van into a “parking lot” full of trees and cars parked at all angles.  We walked some after dinner, then got on the road again, geared up for our next adventure!

The smoke, as it turns out, is for cleansing of negative energy –an ancient tradition in the area.  It smells a little bit like sandalwood. I liked the smell and the notion of it.  I look forward to that smell again in Mexico when I return!

The hotel had a magnificent breakfast buffet.  I mean, this was a big deal.  They even had a green juice and I was so happy!  After taking our time, a few of us walked on the beach the rest of the morning.  

Two of us decided to meditate for a bit on the top of a large rock on the beach looking out at the water.  We set the timer on my phone for 10 minutes.  

My mind raced.  Maybe it was the exorbitant amount of cafe con leche I’d drank.  Maybe it was because this was a travel day and I was heading back home and back to “reality.”  It felt like 40 minutes passed, with periods of calm set next to ideas for business, things to get done for the week ahead, and thoughts of returning to Mexico for retreats with clients and friends.  The wind and waves were loud and I worried we hadn’t heard my phone’s alarm, so I took a peek.  

We had 1 minute to go. Wow. It’s astounding how many thoughts a person can have in just 9 minutes!  

(Note for other non-gurus: I hadn’t had that experience for awhile during meditation, but I was reminded of what my teacher Anand has been saying for months about not judging what thoughts come up, to not attach to them, and to not worry about how the experience is during meditation –because the benefits come in all the times we are not “sitting.”)

Time to head back to the airport already?  Here are some of the gals from the retreat on our last day together on this trip.  Until next time!