When you want to learn how to say no politely and professionally, without hurting someone's feelings, and without the guilt.

Just say no...

If you’ve felt like it’s hard to say no without guilt, or you’re frustrated with yourself for agreeing to things and realizing later you should have said no…you’re not alone.  This tendency to find it hard to say no politely, even gracefully, without feeling bad about it is a real problem in our society.  Especially for professionals who feel too busy sometimes, who are craving better balance!

When was the last time you were sitting in a meeting and thought, “Why am I here?  I should have said no!" and promised yourself you would do better next time? 

Sure, it sounds simple when your friend tells you "Just say no…"  But of course it can feel more complicated in real life, especially when you feel like you're letting down someone who is important to you.  

It doesn't have to be hard to keep the intentions you made to yourself, to be better at only saying yes to stuff that you really want to be involved in.  

You can learn to say no politely, and without feeling guilty.  You could start reaping the rewards right now.  I'm betting that once you try any of these 4 types, of nos, and sprinkle in some of the phrases below, you'll be thinking" wow, that was easier than I thought!"  

I've identified several types of no responses, including:

1. ABSOLUTELY NOT!  Variations of the emphatic, firm NO! are used for times when there is no way in hell you're doing whatever it is.  Sometimes a request is so unrealistic, you might have to shut it down with something strong.  Generally, it's better to be kind while also being very direct.
2. NOT RIGHT NOW.  Timing is the issue here.  If you could do it, you would.  If the opportunity pops up later, you might even say yes.  Or you simply have too much on your plate and something has to give.
3. WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS? You want to say yes, but only if it's truly going to work well for you.  There may be alternatives or compromises to be explored. Ask questions, negotiate so that's it is a win/win, otherwise say no. 
4. NO THANKS.  Surprisingly, a simple "No, thank you" will work for many more things than you might think.  Most of the time, you really don't have to give them additional details or a backstory to explain yourself. 

Next, let's dive into this one a bit more with some specific words you can use...

Try combining some of these to suit your own scenarios when you want to say no politely:

• Thank you, but no.  
• I cannot commit, and I wish you the best!
• Thank you for thinking of me, but...
• I already have something planned.
• I appreciate the invitation.
• We've already allocated those resources elsewhere.
• This doesn't fit with our current focus/goal/mission. 
• I'm not the best fit for this.
• Although I'm honored, I have other obligations.
• This isn't aligned with the intent of the policy.
• Thank you anyway.

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A few extra tips when saying no:

You don't have to apologize.  Unless you are genuinely sorry it's not going to work out, avoid saying "I'm sorry." There is nothing to apologize for and nothing to feel guilty about when you are honoring yourself!!  (Prone to saying sorry too often?  See also Quit Over-Apologizing)

Try to remove any guilt or pressure from your decision-making process. Ask yourself if it was a different person, or a different organization asking, would you have a different answer? Why?

If you're not sure yet, or need to buy yourself some time to consider it, ask them to provide more specifics in an email to you, or set up a 10-minute phone call instead of them expecting an answer 1:1. 

Want more? Ask me about the Blazing Productivity Without Burning Out series!

What now?
 __ How could this help you?
 __ What are you willing to do so that you can experience real improvement?
 __ What’s your next step?

I can help you be more effective with your time. 

Here's to your success,