Uncover a secret reason why you think you don’t have enough discipline, and learn ways to strengthen your “discipline muscles.” Harness kick-ass habits and overcome any tendencies toward procrastination, without turning yourself into someone you wouldn’t like to be around.
WHY do you think you need more discipline?
You want to achieve your goals!! You want to feel strong and capable!!
But without burning out or losing your joy or disliking yourself...
May I guide you to appreciate your own discipline and its total reliability when you need it? I have two reassuring points to make to start us off:
First, discipline is essentially a habit.
Second, it can be strengthened, just like abs or hamstrings, with regular workouts.
Put another way, without frequent use, your discipline can become as weak as those pelvic floor muscles you’re starting to realize also need regular workouts. Yeah, because they are equally important to your overall health and happiness, because both form an invisible solid support to the many things you want to accomplish. Walking, for example. Lifting a giant bag of dog food out of the car without throwing out your back, or enjoying good sex. Those are important!
As is growing your business to a point where you can enjoy those freedoms you’re craving.
You can’t build a sustainable business without some solid discipline that works with your desired lifestyle...
Want more discipline? Check out these common sense ways to strengthen your “discipline muscles”
One of the craziest things I’ve realized about discipline is that most of us secretly fear it a little bit.
Let me explain.
I noticed in myself about 10 years ago that I didn’t have as much discipline as I used to. In the past, I was rock-solid. If I said I was going to do something, it got done. I routinely took on too many projects and was often burning the candle at both ends, but I always managed to complete what I had committed to. Like the many times I still completed my swimming laps after a late happy hour because I had scheduled it in as part of my triathlon training plan (yep, I was likely a little drunk, and yep the chlorine smell made me gag a little more than usual, but I did it anyway, and probably it helped knowing I was burning off some of those extra calories).
BUT THEN... it was like, one day in my later 30’s, I noticed that I just didn’t feel that committed to things...
I didn’t always complete tasks, or chores, or whatever. I was dumbfounded!! I felt unsettled. I had always felt proud to say I had a lot of discipline, and could easily agree when people praised me for it. It was very frustrating to realize that I wasn’t keeping my word to myself, and felt like a failure.
Yet, at the same time, I was FINALLY learning to let many things go that I realized didn’t matter that much. I was beginning to learn to love myself, and started to seek a more loving approach to motivating myself.
I had unwittingly uncovered a BIG PROBLEM: I didn’t know how to be disciplined without my old self-hatred.
I didn’t know how to push myself without being mean to myself. I didn’t know how to be fully motivated and productive without declaring a kind of war against my inherent nature. I was starting to fill my mind and uplift my semi-dormant joyful spirit with a very appealing new approach of choosing love-based thoughts and actions over those more familiar but negative fear-based ones.
Unfortunately it took me several years to realize this is what had been going on…and several more to find a good mix where I can relax without feeling guilty, go with the flow when plans change, and kick it in gear when I want.
Are you on a similar path?
Are you learning to love yourself while your old pal discipline just stopped showing up...it’s probably because you are still figuring out how to motivate yourself without demeaning yourself. Don’t despair, because I’m happy to report that I did figure out what works!
If you’ve been led to believe this combo of being both HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL is as elusive as an insanely comfortable pair of power-wielding stilettos, stick with me so you too can bask in the sublime status of what I call “The Blissful Achiever!”
Am I perfect at it? Nope. Do I know what to do when I feel like I’m struggling? Yes. Can I get myself back on track when I want? Yes. I am capable! And so are you!
You have a stronger foundation of discipline than you probably realize...
Recently someone asked me on Instagram: “How can I overcome procrastination of stuff I don’t like to do but is important?”
Ironically, the woman who asked this is one of the more disciplined business owners I know! (I even interviewed her on my podcast regarding how staying organized and intentional routines allows for better work-life harmony. Ha, it just goes to show we all think we need to better in some areas where others think we’re a pro, doesn’t it?)
Below are some suggestions I offered up (you can catch the related video here on Instagram TV):
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1. Because discipline is a HABIT that is strengthened with practice, you are in control.
The good news here is it’s not like bad DNA is holding you back, because this is ALL related to routines you’ve created.
There isn’t anything wrong with you if you’re not feeling up to par, and you can change it pretty quickly and easily with some intentionality. Woo-hoo!!
One of the first things I recommend if you feel distracted or unfocused, is to start setting your phone on Do Not Disturb, Airplane mode, or totally silent, for periods of time. Treat yourself like your best client or a meeting with royalty. You’re NOT going to have ring, ding, buzz interrupting that time, are you?
You owe it to yourself to create the BEST environment for focus and discipline at least a few times per day. If you are concerned about family or professional accessibility, don’t freak out: just do 10-30-minute chunks a few times a day at first and work up to 90 minutes for mastery level.
2. Bribe yourself to get it done.
Once upon a time, I had a client with 15-20 employees. She had a goal to do quarterly employee reviews but she tended to procrastinate them due to lack of time, lack of specific deadlines, discomfort of having awkward conversations about performance, hygiene, courtesy, and myriad other topics that would pop up, because she knew she needed to be able to focus for chunks of time to prepare ahead, and would need to fit 1:1 meetings with each into her schedule. During one of our conversations about how she was challenged by this every time they came due again, it came up that she really wanted a facial.
I shared my habit of bribing myself with something I wanted when I had to push myself to complete something I’d been procrastinating. She decided to use the facial as her reward and scheduled it later that day. The deal was that she could not keep the appointment if she hadn’t completed all the reviews yet. For the most part it worked because by scheduling the facial a few weeks out, she had a challenging but realistic deadline, plus she knew I’d be asking her about it and she has high integrity to not cheat herself (or her employees).
BONUS TIP! If you find yourself faced with paperwork that requires focus & time, which is oh-so-tempting to push to a later time, I recommend using a combination of:
- Break your procrastinated task down into smaller tasks so you can gain momentum with quick wins. For example, if you have a 12-page proposal to write, you might do this in stages (i.e, creating a copy of an older proposal, changing all relevant info for the new proposal, doing research/checking notes on the new client’s needs, completing the first draft, print/share for review, revise, finalize and send to client).
- Identify which stage(s) to complete by when.
- Set up the "bribe" for something specific you want, redeemed at a certain time, upon completion of the specific task(s), by a certain time (i.e., Go to Yin yoga class later today when the full draft is completed, or pick out that upgraded handbag after 50 sales calls, etc..).
- Set a timer and get to work. I have twisted Pareto’s Law slightly for things like this and found it to be true: 80% of a rough draft reused report or proposal can be whipped up in about 20 minutes of serious focus.
3. Have some pride in keeping a promise to yourself.
Take a moment to dream about basking in the glory of getting this sucker done.
When my author coach asked me if I wanted to commit to a book completion date she said, “Are you ready to turn this book from a dream into a launch?” In that moment, all the fuzzy unknowns and heavy guilt about the book taking so long because I hadn’t made it a priority melted away and I felt how much better it would be to finish it! I instantly felt lighter and happier! We picked a date right then, and I’m plowing ahead with renewed focus.
Sometimes all it takes is remembering why we started a project in the first place, or why something is on our to-do list. IF-- you’ve already considered whether The Task needs to be done at all, if you are the best person to do it, and when it actually needs to be completed--and you still have it on your priority list, then it’s time to act!
When you consider how much resisting and revisiting something in your mind, possibly multiple times, siphons your energy and focus, steals your forward momentum and even diminishes your radiance, I invite you to MOVE FORWARD NOW.
Ask yourself “How much more productive will my day be when it’s done?” and “How great will I feel about myself when it’s done?”
4. Do what it takes to continue strengthening your discipline.
Revisit these steps again and again until it feels more natural for you to motivate yourself into action quickly when resistance starts to pop up.
Maybe...bookmark this page, save a screenshot as your home image, set a reminder, etc...
Stop making excuses and get it done. Quit thinking about justifying not doing it; take Nike’s advice and “JUST DO IT”
We all do better with INTENTIONAL flows between various levels of controlling and allowing!
Though it may hold some controversy for the uninitiated, The Case for Discipline is a strong one! You do NOT have to beat yourself up. Establishing healthy discipline habits can solve confidence problems instead of fueling the fire of self-doubt.
No one is born an extraordinary leader with mastery of all the skills and behaviors needed for success. It takes showing up again and again, working on improving ourselves through practice and pushing past what’s initially comfortable. For example, people say all the time they don’t think they’re any good at sales. Wish you were better at sales calls? Do 10 more sales calls and see where you’ve improved. Doing it enough times WILL make you better. Pretty soon, people will be saying how great you are at sales!
It’s the same with discipline! It just takes doing it enough to be great at it.
What now?
__ How could this help you?
__ What are you willing to do to experience real improvement?
__ What’s your next step?
How can I help you be more effective, and happier?
Here's to your success,
This post contains excerpts from the book Lead With Moxie, on Amazon now.
